Twisting the Knife Chp13: The Birth of Inspiration

Titan Territory, Early Evening

The sun made its steady descent beneath the horizon not long before they reached their haven for the night, a Survey Corps base established around 790. Having been located so close to the walls it was the easiest to maintain and as such had remained stable longer than any other; most didn’t stand to see their fifth year due to weather conditions and the age of the buildings. Upon arrival they tied their horses to the makeshift outdoor stable and took water and feed out from the supply carts. As she tied Iolana’s reigns Saskia tilted her head up and inhaled the sweet smell of fresh air, untainted by pollutants generated by human activity. As she opened her eyes she caught hint of a faint spark in the gathering darkness overheard and she radiated an exuberance only Erwin and Hanji had seen before. While she had always been adept at shutting down her emotional self, up until now, she failed drastically at hiding the invigoration the glimpse of starlight instilled in her. The skies were clearer beyond the walls making the stars appear brighter.

Our guiding lights. This is dangerous land for mere humans to trek. She reached up and scratched Iolana affectionately behind the ear. But this is still our land. And the stars, in all their brilliance, serve as a reminder that this world is ours. In the so-called safety of the walls they are hard to see. However…in open land, lands the Titans tried to take from us, they are brighter than ever! She sighed contentedly. Maybe I will see the twins tonight. Representing the imagination, creativity, communication…Inherent human traits suppressed by the disgusting political industrial complex we have come to rely on to provide for us and sustain us. Continuing to reject the natural world and all it has to offer, beyond the tangible, deprives us of those traits. How long until they are suppressed to the point where we are completely disconnected? Will we still possess the passion to reclaim these lands if our innate ties are permanently severed?

Saskia refilled Iolana’s bucket of water and with a confident smirk whispered to herself, “The one who bears the name Silent Knife knows both how to wield the blade and to hinder it when in the hands of another. No one with sever our ties to the natural world. Not so long as I live and breathe. Someday…someday we will cleanse the Military Police until we work our way up to the monarchy itself. And like the Titans who forced us into the walls, I will see to it those who lock us inside them are eradicated and return the world in its entirety to the people.” She stood on her tip toes and leaned towards Iolana’s ear. “What do you think people would say if they knew the second-in-command of the Survey Corps daydreamed of a stateless society?” With a slight shake of her head and light gruff, Iolana appeared to express amusement.

“General.”

Saskia turned on her heel and saluted. “Yes Commander?”

“I want you to lead a routine patrol after we settle in to ensure the perimeter is safe.”

“Lead a patrol? Will Squad Erwin be accompanying me?”

“No,” he replied shaking his head and looked over to the newest recruits. “Church, Magnolia, and Ackermann. Titans are not as active at night so while it is unlikely you will encounter any, should misfortune smile upon you the numbers will be low and grant them relatively safe practice killing more. I leave them in your capable hands.  Remember to keep an eye on them though. Especially Ackermann. You have a keen eye. If your instincts tell you there is an immediate threat other than a Titan…you know what to do.” She nodded. “Yes sir.”

“Excellent. As you were.”

Hearing those words was…It was worse than any form of abuse he had forced me endure in the past. Twice now I had been told to kill you. I know I hid it well or he would have questioned my ability and dedication but God damn it! Hearing that AGAIN was brutal. Absolutely brutal. I felt a pain unlike any other on both a physical and psychological level, originating in my heart.

Come nightfall all provisions had been carried into the base and the soldiers were settling in for the night, taking full opportunity of the downtime to socialize and attempt to relax. Food was distributed and sleeping alcoves were designated, blankets and bags laid out on the cold stone floor.

“There we go.” Farlan dropped a burlap sack to the floor and leaned against the wall, slowing sliding down until he was comfortably seated next to it. “Man, I didn’t think it would be that easy to bring down a Titan,” he said with a sigh of relief.

Levi rummaged through the burlap sack for his bedding. “They move faster than I thought, but if it’s only one I can handle it.”

Farlan chuckled. “Even against the Titans, the ‘Invincible Levi’ still prevails.”

Stretching her arms upwards Isabel piped up, “Yeah, ‘cause Big Bro is so strong!”

“If you’re with us, it looks like we’ll manage to home alive somehow.”

I thought so too. I hate being wrong.

“If a large group of deviants show up I’m not so sure though…” he admitted, sinking to the floor. “Anyways, Farlan.”

“What?”

“From what you’ve seen thus far who do you think has them? Is that guy carrying those documents with him or does she?”

“It’s hard to say. They could be alternating possession. Before I snuck into Erwin’s room I searched all the suspicious places in his room. I hadn’t thought it would be easy to find, but there was a surprising amount of documents scattered everywhere. I found a desk drawer that opened with a key. It was almost as if he was inviting someone to take them. But he wouldn’t be so careless. I picked the lock and the drawer was definitely overflowing with secret documents, but the documents that mattered weren’t there.”

Levi shot Isabel a warning glare, prompting her to speak up. With a heavy gulp she stammered, “The fact that…that those documents are the only ones missing…means that either he or someone he trusts is walking…walking around with them on ‘em, right?” She hung her head and rubbed the back of her neck before taking a swig of water from her canteen.

“Yeah, he’s probably brought it with him outside the walls,” Farlan confirmed, ignoring her hesitance to continue taking part in their endeavor. “Now it’s just a matter of who is carrying them. I never had the chance to check her office for anything because she’s always in there working. And when she’s not…well, she said so herself. Stealth is her thing. And we’ve seen it firsthand, kinda. I figured she would’ve noticed signs of forced entry or something out of place. You can’t claim to be great at something unless you know all the ins and outs of it, including any mistake or slip up that could be made. An amateur like myself would’ve been taking a big risk rummaging through her things or worse, walk in on her unannounced. There’s no way, is there?”

“If Erwin was trying to hide something from us outside the Corps then old man Lobov would have definitely found out something by now,” Isabel replied quickly coming to his defense and vicariously Saskia’s. “Hey Farlan, how much of that old man’s information can we trust?”

“With the exception of the reward, he wouldn’t lie would he? After all, Erwin did get us into the Corps, just like he said.”

“But what if it’s all a lie to get us arrested?” she asked in a slight panic.

“I can’t believe you let her act fool you,” Levi muttered disappointedly and deferred to Farlan, hoping he could reason with her.

“From a noble’s point of view we’re nothing more than worthless insects. If he really wanted to crush us he wouldn’t have put himself through all this trouble.” He motioned for them to come closer and they complied. “At any rate our goal is to find those documents. Earlier I saw the Commander, Erwin, and Saskia go over that way. Erwin and Saskia appear to be sharing their sleeping quarters so while they’re gone Isabel and I can search their belongings. Levi, until I give you the signal, I need you to watch that corridor. If they happen to come back before I give the signal, you’ll have to keep them busy.”

“Keep them busy…even if it means fighting them?”

“Don’t cause a ruckus!” he hissed. As he rose he added with a finger in the air. “Also, no matter what, don’t kill anyone. If we lose the Commander while on an expedition outside the walls, we’ll all be in big trouble.”

“Tch. You’re right. That little shithead General would have to temporarily takeover, wouldn’t she? Like hell I’ll let that happen.” Levi narrowed his eyes and folded his arms over his chest. “But how are you going to sift through her things if you’re afraid of her noticing?”

“This isn’t her office. The way I see it, in a space that isn’t as familiar, it’s gonna be harder for Saskia to notice if something is a little out of place.”

Levi scowled at the mention of her name. ‘Saskia’…‘Saskia’…Where do I know that name from? And why is it pissing me off so much?”

I’m relieved it no longer stirs up that bizarre discomfort it once did. I’m glad it has the opposite effect. Though never did I imagine, even when I began to respect you and…not be as much of a prick to you, as I like to reserve that for special occasions when you deserve it most, that it would escalate to such a degree. A name that once left such a bitter taste in my mouth I wanted to scrub my tongue down with bleach has become the verbal cure for all ills. Except when I’m pissed off at you. You still have yet to uncover the meaning of your name and I’m certain when you do you’ll concoct a farfetched story about how it directly corresponds to who you are and how you became that way. As ridiculous as I find your obsessions I can’t think of any word other than your name which would adequately sum up someone otherwise indescribable. A picture might be worth a thousand words but a true masterpiece only needs one. And there’s something very savory about the way it rolls off the tongue. Fitting for someone who always tastes like vanilla.

It was almost impossible to appear inconspicuouswhile waiting for Farlan and Isabel to search through Saskia’s and Erwin’s things. Levi leaned against the cool stone wall and sighed out of boredom. His tilted his head up slightly and his entire body tensed as he heard footsteps approaching, gritting his teeth out annoyance and impatience. “Shit, hurry up,” he muttered as Saskia and Erwin came down the corridor, both with a file folder tucked under one arm, talking quietly amongst themselves. He growled low in his throat out of annoyance. Don’t tell me…that those are the documents…and they divvied them up. That they’re BOTH carrying them! Son of a bitch.

Erwin looked forward and stopped when he noticed Levi, who quickly looked away to avoid eye contact. His angered facial expression would only make him appear all the more suspicious. Saskia remained by her brother’s side, silently hoping that Levi would be the one to instigate conversation.

“To what do I owe the displeasure?” he asked with feigned interest. He was far more concerned with the documents they were holding, specifically if they were the documents Lobov had commissioned them to take.

“Your subordinates aren’t with you?” the squad leader asked surprised and Saskia shot him a disapproving glare.

“…they’re not my subordinates.”

“I see.” Erwin cleared his throat and glanced down at the General hoping that she, being the more social creature, would be able to unravel the brewing tense atmosphere.

“What do you think so far, now that you have gone beyond the walls? Any improvements in your adjustment to the military life?” she inquired sweetly yet still managing to maintain her serious, professional persona.

“Everyone is hot-faced and won’t shut up about Titans,” he replied bluntly without hesitation. Saskia’s playful side went head-to-head with her professional side as she fought a chuckle; she completely agreed with him.

“Well of course,” Erwin replied. “The Survey Corps is made up of and appeals to those kinds of people.”

He cast a bored glance at Erwin and curious one at Saskia, still unsure of how to read her or interpret her treatment of Isabel. “Really now? You must be first on the list then.” Neither of them was certain as to which he was referring to.

“You did really well in today’s fight,” he added genuinely. “You even managed to take down a deviant in your first battle. Your teammates can rest easier knowing they have someone as talented as you around.”

I was frustrated by the implication his words may have carried, as it was easy to misinterpret them for placing pressure on Levi. Then again I’m in no position to scold. Not anymore. I’m the reason you’re the Lance Corporal and Captain of the Special Operations Squad.

“…there was another soldier in front of me who fought and got eaten. When that happened I watched the Titan’s movement and figured out a way to fight it.”

“Resourceful, but unfortunate that was how it happened,” Saskia murmured shifting uncomfortably and then grimaced. “That came out wrong, did it not? Please do not interpret that as an implication of willingly throwing a comrade to their death,” she added apologetically.

“You’re a General, not a miracle worker,” Erwin remarked and she rolled her eyes. “Just as you’ve said,” he began returning his attention to Levi, “the Survey Corps has made innumerable sacrifices. There are still too many things we don’t understand about the outside world. But if it means if it means that humanity can take back the world there’s no one here who wouldn’t offer up their heart for that milestone. There are no regrets for the sacrifices that have been made, not a single person.”

Saskia huffed. “And since when are you capable of speaking for our soldiers as a whole, as though we all share the same views as you? That is not true, that is your perception imposed on the corps as a whole. People do not come here to die for humanity, they come here to fight for humanity. A prerequisite for joining is not an eagerness to throw yourself at a Titan if it means a sacrifice for the greater good, it is knowing that the potential for the situation exists. That is a decision made in the heat of the moment. You are of no use to humanity if you will throw your life away that easily! Keeping humanity alive means living for humanity!” She stormed off, fists balled at her side and a colorful string of curses pouring from her mouth as she marched off towards the main quarters claimed for the non-officers.

Yes, I was pissed off at him. But only because his words reminded me of what Flagan was doing. I know that the two have different viewpoints and I was actually the one guilty of making a generalization, not him. I sincerely hope Erwin wouldn’t have been surprised by that. After all, that’s the reason he made me the General. Well, not really, but I still find the play on words amusing.

“What’s stuck up her ass?”

Erwin sighed. “She has always held a firm belief that we must avoid as many unnecessary deaths as possible, which is part of the reason she approves of this new formation plan I’ve drafted. But sometimes…I feel that she confuses any death for an unnecessary death. She pushes herself too hard to try and assist as many as possible which has led to neglect for self-care. When you eventually see her in action you’ll understand the lengths at which she’s willing to go to protect as many as she can. It may appear reckless but she insists that she never acts if not confident her plan will not fail, even if it is extremely risky. That aside she is incredibly skilled, though she will never admit it.”

“Tch. Pretty critical for a ‘big brother’.”

“Someone has to try and keep her grounded or she’ll get herself killed. Harsh as this may sound, she cares too much.”

“Big Bro!” Isabel came darting out. “Sorry, that took longer than I thought! I’m done changing so you can go back now!”

“But you know what that’s like, don’t you? Having a little sister to watch over?”

Levi said nothing, following Isabel as she skipped off, scolding her for her for her pathetic excuse.

“By the way, the Commander has scheduled the three of you to accompany the General on a routine patrol after cadet curfew,” Erwin called.

He stopped for a moment, then grinned. Did he now? If she has those papers…and we’re alone with her in Titan territory…This is too easy.

The three of them regrouped in the main area. Levi was keeping an eye on Saskia as she ‘made the rounds’ socializing with the other officers and checking in on the cadets to see how they were fairing. Still reveling in the idea that they might have a chance to remove her from the picture he turned to the other two. “I figured you two wouldn’t find anything. If they’re carrying the documents, then there’s only one way.”

“So then…” Farlan began quietly, visibly anxious.

“I think they may have split up the documents amongst themselves. And even if they didn’t then, for safe measure, we have to kill them both.”

“Don’t say that out loud,” he scolded softly. “It’s not going to be easy to do it so…”

“I beg to differ,” Levi smirked and Farlan cocked his head to the side in confusion. “New plan. You’ll see soon enough. That fickle bitch Lady Luck is on our side tonight.”

Isabel hung her head and remained silent the entire time.

“Hey you!” Hanji called. “Can I disturb you for a moment?” Farlan looked over his shoulder at the ecstatic cadet. “I saw it, you know. The decisive moment!”

“The decisive moment?” Levi slowly moved his right hand behind his back and pulled out his switchblade. “What are you talking about?”

I could see on their faces that Farlan and Isabel were afraid Shitty Glasses had spotted them. Had that been the case she would’ve said something to you. How you would’ve used that information, we had no way of knowing. I couldn’t take any chances.

She leaned over, hands resting on her knees. “What am I talking about? It’s obvious that I’m talking about the moment when you brought down that Titan!” She clenched a fist. “That was really amazing! I was overwhelmed with excitement!”

I was overwhelmed with relief that she hadn’t seen us. As far as we knew anyway. With that loud mouth of hers, like hell she’d bring it up in such a public place.

“Ah…” We’re in the clear. Maybe.

“I don’t remember if the General ever formally introduced us when I helped her assess you three and we are on the same squad but Flagan isn’t one for encouraging camaraderie. I’m Hanji Zoe. She never shuts up about you, Isabel.” She pointed at the girl. “Or you for that matter, Levi.” He fought a look of surprise upon hearing that. “And…this is…”

“Farlan,” he muttered with a roll of his eyes.

“Right, right, Farlan!” She plopped down between the younger two and gave a friendly, overly excited pat on the back causing him to visibly jump and yelp in surprise. “You didn’t come here from the Training Corps, Levi. How are you so skilled at 3DMG? I’ve been meaning to ask for awhile, especially with how a certain teeny-tiny smiley officer goes on and on about you, but never had the chance.”

“Be sociable,” Farlan whispered to him.

She talks about me? She…praises me to others? Who in the hell does she think she is, founder and president of my fan club? “I practiced. Nothing special,” he shrugged.

“Did you learn from anyone? The first time I tried, I had a hard time balancing myself on the belts…Do you have any tips or trick for improving?” Isabel scrunched her face in a way similar to Saskia when frustrated as Hanji droned on.

“Not really.” Definitely one of that little shithead’s minions. Doesn’t shut up…Did she send this psycho over here to bother us?

“Maaan, you don’t mince words, huh? Even a tiny bit would be great. Come on, I’m sure everyone is itching to know.” She looked over her shoulder at the other cadets who had been watching the exchange the entire time. Hanji, being as eccentric and bold as she was, no longer had difficulty approaching Levi anymore after seeing his performance and hearing more words of encouragement from Saskia. But she was the only one able to do so. Levi glanced over in their general direction and saw all eyes were on him, Saskia’s sparkling gaze included.

“Everyone saw how you fought. The way you fight encourages us to believe that humanity will not lose to the Titans. The General herself has been in a bit of a slump about the Survey Corps performance over the past few months but your presence has made her mood improve dramatically! Overall, it was really awe-inspiring to watch you fight. So by all means…”

The mention of her idol made it impossible for Isabel to chime in, especially if it meant bragging about Levi. With a chipper laugh and matching grin she replied, “We’re amazing, aren’t we?! They’re thinkin’ better of us? Did you get a good look?!”

“Yep, it was awesome. Exactly why Levi should-”

“Big Bro is the strongest one out there! Even underground he was the strongest!”

I think Isabel was intentionally trying to piss me off when she said that, reminding me that you and I were likely on par. It didn’t take much to confirm that as possible. Not only possible, but true.

“Really now? I’d love to know the secret of his strength, you know. Hey Levi-”

“Big Bro is…um…um…anyways, he’s strong!”

Hanji smiled warmly in a way reminiscent of Saskia, whose eyes were still on him. “Here Isabel. The General gave me these earlier but I’m not hungry for candy. I’m hungry for knowledge!” She passed a small bag of candy to the redhead who eagerly took it and began munching away. “So how about it? Would you be willing to let us know what goes on inside of you head?”

“I can’t, I’m self-taught. It’s not something that you can easily teach to others.”

“Oh? Sort of like General Sa-”

“Sorry, I’m exhausted,” he muttered cutting her off.

“I see. I’m sorry for disturbing you. Thank you Isabel, thank you Farlan.” She gave the former a pat on the head and the latter a pat on the shoulder as she rose. As she departed she said with a wave, “If we make it back alive I’ll buy you lunch sometime!”

She still hasn’t. Then again, we didn’t all make it back.

“Man, what a weirdo,” Farlan snorted. “But…couldn’t you have given her some sort of trick to help them out?”

“I don’t want to be responsible for anyone’s life except yours and Isabel’s.”

“What an ecstatic person she was. Doesn’t seem like the kind who particularly minds what others think.”

Isabel popped another piece into her mouth and slid back until she and Levi were shoulder to shoulder. “Hey, Big Bro. I don’t really get all that stuff about “humanity taking back the world” or whatnot. These guys are actually ready to die for that sort of thing…But you’re wondering if it’s okay for them to die for that reason, aren’t you?”

He remembered Erwin’s words about ‘offering up their heart’ and Saskia’s angry reaction as well as her argument. He found himself agreeing with her for one reason- her perspective allowed for the freedom to make your own decisions. Nothing was as black and white as Erwin had described. And unlike Erwin she didn’t approve of a mindset which defaulted to seemingly blindly dying for the ‘greater good’, she wanted to fight for it against all odds.

I couldn’t bring myself to admit that I agreed with you, mostly because I still didn’t trust you. But another part of why I couldn’t was because it meant we were alike, something I had never encountered before in that respect. The last thing I wanted was to grow attached to someone I was convinced I had to kill, or worse…attracted to.